is it true then? i write when i’m feeling down? nahh! i have blogs here that were made when i was in cloud 109 as well. so krsyta & berto.. it’s not true ok?! bleh!

i’m writing now because i was disturbed by what berto & krysta said on our way home from work earlier. berto said she was sure i would compose a blog again.. then krysta added she’s sure it would be a very long blog too! hmph! they’re so sure!

sigh.. it goes without saying that they know me pretty well now i guess.

ok so i really wanted to blog. they were just wrong about the reason why.

one has no right to feel depressed over certain situations where one “orchestrated” it to happen in the first place. sure, one can feel pain over it.. but if one is firm on one’s decision then there is no need to cry over it. it would only defeat the purpose.

it’s far from masochism. it’s just how it is with this one person.

yes, it would’ve been nice to share a drink or two (a pitsel or 2 even) with brothers but when everyone is unavailable at the moment there’s little one can do. (just offer a callback within 48 hrs then escalate call to HQ. hehe!)

one can only blog about it..

and hold one’s breath so one feels numb for 2 long days..

wherein..

after that, there is a reason for one to exhale again.

whenever he was around he would tease us no end. he would call me and lj “kulot salot” and we would always remind him that he is “kulot” too. while on call he would lock krysta’s pc.. or hide aya’s other shoe.. or surprise robie by banging the back of her chair.. or have word war with moy.. etc etc. he drops by our station just to make “kulit” because he was a very “kulit” person.

the past days though we haven’t seen him that much. he got transferred to the miovision account and he had the morning shift.

last night ma’am jelo told me he bit her arm and she even showed me the blue & black scar. she said he was making lambing to her as usual last night. i jokingly told her she should have herself injected w/ anti rabbies and we laughed about it.

then this morning just after we logged off our phone the motorcycle accident happened that took his life.

there was already a commotion inside the office that it was someone from the office who had the accident. moy and me, we were among the first ones who found out it was really sir laurence who had the accident.

ma’am jelo came out and was already hysterical. we could see people already gathering around the scene. ma’am jelo took hold of my hand and we went together to see for ourselves. it was just on the road right infront of the office bldg.

when she saw him ma’am jelo tried to go to him but was stopped by ma’am janie. she was beyond hysterical. she let out that very loud cry of anguish while i stayed rooted to the spot. i could not believe my eyes! sir laurence lying in the pool of his own blood! not moving. his motorcycle also lying by the side of the road. i heard krysta crying then moy. saw ma’am jelo fainted. a blurry of activities after that. no sign of an ambulance. the company doctor finally declared him dead. ma’am jelo being taken away by a wheel chair back to the office clinic. till they finally brought her to polymedic.

it was an hour and a half after when his body was finally taken to the morgue. broncos went to see how ma’am jelo was doing in polymedic and found ma’am elena, ma’am nadia and ma’am janie there. they said ma’am jelo didn’t know yet that sir laurence was dead. they wanted to wait till her mother arrived.

it was ma’am janie who finally told her there in the hospital emergency room. when she finally found the strength she was discharged and saw the team just outside.

“kim, kabalo baya ka kung unsa ko ka palangga ni laurence di ba? di ba? karon wala na sya.. wala na sya…”

feeling helpless and at a loss for words i just hugged her tight and cried with her.

bytheway, it’s their monthsarry today.

=(

hahaha! would you look at that?! one of those bizarre moments on the floor..

oh my. can’t believe it’s the middle of the year again. to say that time flies is really an understatement.. it felt like it was just last week when we had flood inside our house due to the southwest moonsoon rains and i met the stare of one incredible guy (incredible hulk? haha!) but no.. it was last january that that happend. summer (?) came & went in a blink. the guy stayed incredible but i made an effort not to meet his eyes.. so. over. done. moving forward..

at work - which is incidentally where i spent most of my time - week 20 just ended. congrats to berto for being the top agent! having garnered most number of sales and lowest aht. week 21 started last night and for me it started soo right! first half of the shift started with a peaceful & handsome aura (ahem!) hahaha! well.. it’s true. sales were pouring out of each one of us last night. our team had the highest revenue ($$$) last night. second half of the shift started and everything went downhill then. the peaceful aura became one of stilted, stiff and eyes-rolling-brows-raised atmosphere. while the handsome part became one of a bloated witch chinese style. sigh.

on a positive note.. i heard over the recording one call that really sets me off ”rolling on the floor laughing” when i remember it. it goes like this:

    Agent: ”may i have ur first and last names pls?”

while gathering network information of customer..

    Same Agent: “Who is your internet explorer?”

agent meant to ask who the internet service provider of the customer is..

    Customer: “im sorry?”

    Agent: “Who is your internet explorer?”

    Customer: “uh..”

    Agent: “your internet explorer is..?”

    Customer: “um..”

    Agent: (getting irritated with the customer now) “who is your internet explorer??”

    Customer: (pressured to say something) “Firefox?” 

honest. it really happened. it was captured on the voice link system. i heard it, my teammates heard it.

wait! there’s more..

     Same Agent: “it’s probable that you forgot your password.. we will have to start from scratches!”

go figure. =)

Teardrops On My Guitar

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won’t see
That I want and I’m needing everything that we should be
I’ll bet she’s beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she’s got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh ’cause it’s just so funny
That I can’t even see anyone when he’s with me
He says he’s so in love, he’s finally got it right
I wonder if he knows he’s all I think about at night

He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He’s the song in the car I keep singing
Don’t know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can’t breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She’d better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she’s lucky ’cause

He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He’s the song in the car I keep singing
Don’t know why I do

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I’ll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who’s got enough of me to break my heart
He’s the song in the car I keep singing
Don’t know why I do

He’s the time taken up, but there’s never enough
And he’s all that I need to fall into

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won’t see

it’s lunchtime i should be sound asleep by now. must be change-of-schedule-blues that’s keeping me awake. i start with my new work schedule tonight and frankly i don’t like it.

a year ago in manila i had no worries going to work and going home from work during unholy hours.. even beyond the unholy hours when i travel north of luzon by bus or by car - alone.

somehow it’s different here.

in our barangay alone, at 8pm jeepneys are nowhere to be seen. 8pm! just when the rest of the world starts to hustle & bustle! then in the morning, first jeepney on it’s first trip out would be at 6:30am! on my way home from work a year ago.. elementary students are in line, finding their height for their flag raising ceremony in school at 5am!

so imagine my predicament when i start my shift at 10pm tonight?! if i want to get to work in one piece i’d better leave @ 7:30pm still in time for the last jeepney on it’s last trip out.

ugh!

i liked my 4am schedule 3 months ago. i was being picked up by a shuttle service at 3am everyday and it was fine. then we had to be transferred to 9pm.. no more free shuttle service.

on a totally diferrent matter..

everyone’s getting promoted. i know this person who’s really on the top performers list every month being promoted to another account. and 2 others i found out became team captains late last year hmm.. good for them.

the million dollar question is..

ngano naay cockroach ganina sa jeep?!

ok. ok. i’m going to sleep. geesh! stop the pushing already!

it really doesn’t matter which comes first. sometimes you have already moved forward only to realize that there are still some baggages that you need to let go. or you have let go yes.. yet you still have to take that first step to move forward.

looking back, year 2008 was a year of humility for me. of going back to basic. of silence and of reflection.

i might’ve let go of the baggages but i still have this one big step to make to move forward.

a few more hours from now it’ll be 2009.

can’t wait for what’s in store next year!

a safe, peaceful new year to one and all..

my 45th blog. wow. friendster blogs did a lot of changes while i was gone. i’m afraid i’m not in the mood to apply those changes yet. some other time perhaps.

i just wanted to write down what i’ve been thinking for the past week now. in doing so i might get it out my system and stop thinking about it.

i miss driving long distance. for the past week now i kept thinking of the slex and nlex in manila. how i loved driving from laguna to nueva ecija! to baguio, to tagaytay.. i even miss edsa!

my father taught me how to drive back in high school and since then i’ve always loved driving. in college i used to drive a volkswagen to school. even then i always offer free rides to my friends just so that i can drive longer. i once drove a beaten up public jeepney around a subdivision, an elf in davao, a public jeepney again in iligan going to timoga and the last long drive i had was last summer going to talisayan in a fortuner.  

i taught my older sis to drive and some of my guy friends. i tried driving without license for a year without being caught and tried stepping on the break, nothing happened and just waited for the car to stop.

my volkswagen back then would suddenly just start fire. i remember one night when i was driving and i had my chapel aides friends as passengers we were going to camp evangelista to visit the wake of a friend’s father when suddenly my friend at the back screamed that her legs were on fire! hahaha! i won’t really forget that night and i’m sure my friend (she’s now in china) won’t forget either!

the very first long distance driving i had was when i was in college. my family went to davao. we took the longeeeeest way. via butuan. we left cdo at 6pm and arrived in davao at 6am the following day. i drove for 12 hrs! i remember during midnight that time i was driving along san francisco and it was sooo dark the hair at the back of my neck stood up the entire time.

sighh.. those were the days.

anyone who needs someone to drive long distance for them call me ok?

sometimes, eventhough the best of us makes rash decisions, bad decisions, decisions we pretty much know we’re gonna regret the moment, the minute, especially the morning after.. i mean not really regret as in regret because at least we put ourselves out there, but still something inside us decides to do a crazy thing. a thing we know would prolly turn around and bite us in the ass, yet we do it anyway.

"we reap what we sow", "what comes around goes around".

it’s karma and any way we slice it,it sucks!

and paybacks a bitch!

one way or another, our karma will lead us to face ourselves. we can wait for it to sneak up on us from behind but one way or another our karma will always find us. the truth is that as human beings, we have the chance to set the balance in our favor. but no matter how hard we try we can’t escape our karma. it follows us home.

i guess we can’t really complain about karma. it’s not unfair, it’s not unexpected it just evens the score and even when were about to do something we know will lead to karma biting us in the ass, well it goes without saying.. we do it anyway!